” For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
You have the desire to change and you wish to know the Grace that we have learned through Christ Jesus. You don’t have to fix everything that’s wrong in your life to be a Christian. If that were true then there would be no Christians. God will help you fix things.
To become a Christian is really simple. All you have to do is believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and that he died for your sins. Pray to God accepting Jesus Christ, the son of God, as your savior, that he died for your sins and rose again; ask for forgiveness and it is forgiven. You are washed clean and now live in grace.
God forgives all. If he could forgive a couple of Satanists like us, he can forgive you. If God can take Saul who was going around killing his people and turn him into Paul, what can he do with you?by