“The Father loves the Son and gives everything into his hands.” Matthew 19:19
My life changed just three weeks ago my son was born. His entry into the world was a hard one, but he is home and he is well. Already I am seeing that some of the decisions we wished to make are leading to decisions we have to make. However, the decisions we are having to make will lead us to the ones we wish to make.
For us, my wife and I, the pregnancy was about as good as they get from what I have heard. That was until it was time for my son to make his entrance into the world. The labor started at 10:26 p.m. on Wednesday. We were at the hospital by 2:00 a.m. on Thursday and by 9:00 p.m. it was decided that we would have to do a C. Section to bring my boy into the world. It was 9:38 p.m. that my son was removed from his womb.
Mother was doing well. Sammy, however, was not. I have never been so anxious in my life than seeing the nurses around my blue son and watching them drop his hand 3 times. They pulled fluid from his lungs and put him on air pressure to get him breathing. That was after a hand respirator got some color back into him. At that moment in my life I was praying harder than I had ever prayed before.
There are emotions that run though you during that time that you cannot put to words. Even now I am thankful for every breath he takes, including the ones that are gasps to scream again. Watching him, especially with his mother, is a joy that brings a tear to my eye as I write these words. The love that I have for him is more powerful than any love that I had ever thought possible. That love resonates and strengthens my love for his mother even more than it had prior.
I thought I knew what that love was like. I thought I understood how God loved us, but it was not until this moment that I realize how much he loves each of us. Reflecting on that thought with these emotions so firmly rooted in my heart and soul, I am astounded by the power of that love. I know that many lessons will I learn through my son and his actions, already I have learned much.
“For God so loved the world…” we all know that one. It is an important piece of scripture, however the concept that God loves us as a Father loves a Son is the concept that is the strongest for me now. Never before have I felt this from myself with this power and intensity. The only other time that comes close to this was my baptism after returning to God’s loving arms.
There are concepts and feelings that poets through the years have tried to capture; that authors try to convey through story and prose; that artists try to capture in still frame forever. These things can be expressed, but the expression falls so short to depth of this love. To say God loved us to send his Son to die for us is one thing, but when we look at the trinity as a whole, they are three parts of the same whole. Let us think back to that, when Jesus died for us… well God died for us.
We are redeemed through love, kindness and compassion. We are redeemed through Grace and Merc. We are redeemed through Christ Jesus. For what purpose, one of course is to be with God in heaven. This is the selfish one, the other is the more challenging one. The other reason is to share the good news of God through words, actions and deeds to bring more into the family.
My wife and son spent four days in the hospital, each day getting better and better. Even with the scares, it was truly a blessing to witness. One of the most amazing things that I saw at this hospital was the number of nurses that were loving, compassionate, and openly Christian and using that to help us get through the scariest times of our stay at the hospital. It was a constant reminder that God was with us through this.
I am still at the beginning of this journey, but I am excited to see where we go from here. My wife and I both are working on spiritual disciplines to grow ourselves closer to God and for what God wishes from us. Being great parents is something that I know we will be. Will we get everything right, no of course not. My goal is to do at least as good of a job as my parents did in raising me, but make sure that the faith in God is something personal to Samuel.
I chose the name Samuel as a variant of my father’s name without thinking about the biblical namesake. It was pointed out to us by a spiritual mentor and now I am returning to the story of Samuel in the bible. I’m sure as most fathers would, I want my son to grow and be something impactful for God. I want many things for my son, but most of them are for him to live a life that he is happy with and to walk right with God above all else. Everything else is peripheral. I want to give him a little better life that I was given as that was what my own father did for me.
I understand much of my father’s choices in life now. Some of them I would not make, but I’m sure I will make others. I have wanted a child for a long time, but wanted to wait until God let us know that it was the right time. I read the Hobbit when I was in Middle School around the age of 12 and after finishing it I found myself say, “I cannot wait to read this to a son of my own.” Now I have started that, but also paired with the Book of John as a fundamental.
I have changed much in the little time that I have been a father and I can see it. I make choices differently, and now feel as if I am thinking as a man and not a young man. All I ask is for the wisdom to raise my son the way God wishes him raised, and with the open mind that he can do whatever he is called to do and whatever he feels called to do.
This is all practical stuff, the deeper subject matter is with the musings of the mind that go on as I watch him form and take shape. I sit and wonder and often ponder if God watches all of us this way and with this love. In my heart of hearts I know the answer is Yes. Without a second of hesitation, yes.
“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” J.R.R. Tolkienby